Title: Breaking Point
Author: phobosgirl (phobosgirl@hotmail.com)
Date: 1/6/05
Rating: R
Authors notes: This is in response to a plot bunny provided by ljnewfan. THANK YOU! Not beta’d, blah blah blah. Feedback is more than welcome and can be sent to phobosgirl@hotmail.com
Disclaimer: This is only for fun. None of this is real nor should any implication be made based on this manuscript that I have any insider info on either of these two fine men.
Warnings: angst, Gale/Randy (Queer As Folk) RPS
Complete: yes


Breaking Point

Gale was pretty pissed off about this whole “Showtime Camp” shit they were being forced to abide. They’d been canceled and were only weeks from wrapping up their final season, but still Greenblatt wanted everyone in his little “family” to take this ridiculous course in teamwork. What a fucking joke. The QAF cast and crew were the original team, the show that the entire fucking network had been built on, and the thanks they’d gotten for their troubles was a pink slip and a Christmas bonus that more closely resembled boot camp than any kind of vacation Gale would have chosen for himself.

As he stretched in the cool morning air, he recalled with a sick stomach the whole “Fall Into The Arms Of Trust” experiment they’d endured yesterday. That guy from Streetime had damned near killed Harris when he dropped him and the women from The Lesbian Word kept chanting “Do it! Do It!” to poor Blythe, who was scared shitless they were going to let her land on her can.

He didn’t even want to imagine what tortures they had planned for today but right now he was going to do some Zen shit and clear his mind with a long run around the grounds.

He set a steady, ground-eating pace for himself that would take him past the main cluster of cabins, around the lake, into the woods, up the side of that rather intimidating hill and back down the short side to his own cabin.

Within a few moments, his muscles were warm and loose and he was breathing efficiently. Good. This would be a nice run. He had to admit that the camp they’d chosen for this little weekend o’ fun had an abundance of scenic beauty going for it. The food didn’t suck too badly, either, although he would have liked to see more salads and less of that mushy potato crap they seemed to serve with every meal. He preferred, if he had to consume carbs, something a little more complex, like a good heavy piece of multi-grain toast. Dry, of course.

He thrived on the sensation of his leg muscles stretching and burning into his morning ritual. It was an alive feeling, and despite the fact that such high impact activity was probably playing hell with his aging joints, jogging always helped him internalize his ambition to be courageous, strong and independent. He felt mentally and spiritually focused after a long hard run. He knew a part of it was the endorphins making him high, but fuck- a guy has to have at least one good vice.

The sun reflecting off the clean water of the lake spangled around him, and he felt his tension about his impending unemployment, being here at this stupid camp, and that other, ever present thing slipping deliciously away. The silence here might be hard to sleep through for a city boy, but it was magnificent this early in the morning when there was nothing between him and the wider world but his freshly dampening skin and his favorite ratty old running clothes.

He left the lake behind, his stride lengthening to take him onto the forest path he’d noticed when they’d been given a walking tour yesterday. He’d been assured that the path was kept clear of vines and rocks that could trip up their high dollar clients, and that all holes were filled as soon as they were noticed, so he decided to try and ignore the spongy earth beneath his feet in favor of taking in the trees, the shade and the comical little critters darting in and out of their homes at his passage. Decatur had a tiny little forest nestled in Ebster Park not unlike this one and he’d spent many beloved hours prowling it alone as a child and then later as a teenager.

His mind wandered back to those growing up years and he suddenly recalled having found a dead possum laying under his favorite tree one summer when he was about eight. He’d been devastated by seeing its limp and decaying body, and he’d run home crying to his father, who had assured him that God had a plan for all of his creatures even if they didn’t always see or understand what it was. Then he’d gotten the pick and the shovel from the garage, followed Gale back into the trees, and helped him bury the animal.

The memory gave him a pang of homesickness and he was promising himself that he’d ring his dad first thing Monday morning, when he heard a voice call out. He was so startled to realize that he was not the only human in the woods at this time of the morning that he nearly tripped and landed on his face.

He chuckled to himself at his own foolishness. Of course he wouldn’t be alone; there were 200 people here this weekend, surely some of them must be out jogging or walking through the forest, too!

He resumed his stride, his heart returning to its normal exercise rate, when he heard the cry again. He stopped and jogged in place, trying to locate the sound. If someone had fallen down out here, like he almost just had, they’d need help. He listened hard, turning his head this way and that. There. He heard it again, coming from somewhere to the left of the path.

Deviating from the trail, he stepped into the woods and called out, hoping he’d be heard and answered. He listened again, thought he heard muffled groaning, and wondered briefly if he was about to come upon a couple making love. He laughed out loud at that thought and figured it was better to catch them in the act than to leave now and find out later that someone had been eaten by a fucking bear out here while waiting for help that never came.

He continued gingerly towards the direction from which he’d last heard the sounds, hoping that if he were about to find an amorous pair, he’d be able to back away unnoticed and return to his run. He wouldn’t be embarrassed by seeing something like that- after years of simulating sex for an audience of perhaps millions, there was very little about bodily functions that could shock him- but they would likely be mortified and despite the devil in him that thought that could produce some fun, he was still a nice guy. He didn’t want anyone being ashamed because of something he witnessed.

The bushes a couple of yards to his right rattled, drawing his attention. He had to slap a hand over his mouth to keep from giggling out loud at how correct he’d been. He saw two bodies moving together on a blanket spread on the ground not far from where he stood and he was about to duck away when the man on top shifted enough for him to catch a good view of his face.

Fuck-all if it wasn’t Simon. Gale froze, feeling something suspiciously like anger poking at the back of his brain. What the hell was he doing here? If there was one thing they’d been lectured on and forbidden from doing, it was bringing along spouses or romantic partners. Something to do with the whole teamwork vibe, apparently. And yet here was Simon in all his naked- well, glory wasn’t the best word- in all his nakedness.

Something in Gale’s gut twisted and again he was about to turn away when Randy, who was sprawled under Simon in all HIS naked glory (because the son of a bitch had that in spades, didn’t he?) turned his head and spied Gale.

Fuckfuckfuck, he’d been nailed. He called upon whatever force controlled the universe these days to make Randy understand that he’d been turning TO LEAVE when he’d been spotted but naturally, Randy had no way of really knowing that.

Now his face did burn with embarrassment, and when Randy opened his mouth to speak, Gale sharply shook his head once in negation and backed away into the trees, moving in what he hoped was the general direction of the path.

He stumbled onto the trail out of breath, but not from his jog. He felt like he’d been kicked in the gut. All his oxygen seemed to be whooshing out of him and too little was making its way back in. He bent over at the waist and put his hands on his knees to steady himself. If he hadn’t been such a good macho boy, he’d almost have to admit that he thought he might faint and wouldn’t that be a fun sight for Randy and Simon when they finally made their way out of the forest?

He tried to laugh at the mental picture of himself laid out cold in the forest underbrush after witnessing two consenting adults having sex, but the sound was shaky and way too reminiscent of sobbing for his taste. He closed his eyes and forced himself to regulate his breathing- long slow in, long slow out, again and again and again until the giddy dizziness began to subside.

When he was sure he wasn’t going to crumple into a heap, he slowly rose to his full height and looked back towards where he’d left Simon in the act of fucking his best friend. On a blanket. Under the beautiful trees. In the quiet majesty of a Canadian spring morning.

There was no sign of either of them and Gale felt weak with relief.

He had no idea why seeing Randy with Simon was such a shock to his system. It’s not like he didn’t already know they were fucking on a regular basis, but now was not the time and this was not the place to examine that question more closely.

He turned back towards the path, began walking until he was warmed up enough to break into a jog, and let his mind go blank until he arrived back at his cabin nearly an hour later.

**************************************** **************************************** *****************

Two circles of chairs were the only furniture in the cavernous room, one circle placed inside the other, all the chairs facing inward. This was the third (and Gale hoped the last) leg of this exercise. The first had included men on the outside circle with women on the inside, before they’d switched off. The second had been bosses inside, employees (casts and crews) outside and the third was acting partners only, one half of the partnership on the inside, the other half on the outside circle.

Randy was sitting with the inner circle and as his partner, Gale was sitting in the outer circle a few feet behind him.

The idea behind this exercise was that the inner circle got to bitch and moan and complain about the outer circle and the outer circle had to just sit and take it. Then they got to switch and the outer circle people became the inner circle people. How the fuck this was supposed to promote teamwork, rather than encourage all parties involved to roll around on the floor pulling each other’s hair while screaming epitaphs, Gale had no idea.

He yawned loudly and cracked the knuckles of both hands, drawing Randy’s momentary scowling attention. He shrugged and stretched his long legs as far out in front of him as possible without actually laying down in his chair. The wooden seat of the folding chair felt like concrete to his mostly flat behind and he was considering throwing spitballs and pulling girls’ ponytails just so he could get sent to the principal’s office, or whatever the equivalent was here at Love Thy Co-Worker Camp, and save his butt this agony.

Randy had been mercifully comment-free during this experiment and Gale intended to repay the kindness by being likewise silent when his turn came. They had not seen one another since their encounter in the woods and Gale had been happy to keep it that way, but their loyalty went far deeper than to publicly humiliate each other just because one had seen the other having sex.

His mind wandered back briefly to that moment in the woods when his and Randy’s eyes had locked, and once again he felt a spark of anger. Simon seriously rubbed him the wrong way, always had, and dammit, if he had to get through this weekend without the comfort of sex, so should Randy.

Gale smirked to himself. Let’s be honest Harold, he thought, how long has it been since you’ve had the comfort of any sex? The answer chilled him.

Suddenly, Gale became attuned to the sound of Randy’s voice. Apparently his partner wasn’t as willing to be silent about him as he’d hoped. Gale sat up straighter in his chair to listen. What complaints could Randy have? He was the perfect acting partner! He always arrived on time and ready to do his job, he was cheerful to a fault and he learned his lines like the professional he prided himself on being.

“There isn’t much, really, we get along well and all,” Randy was saying and Gale watched his back carefully for telltale clues- shoulder tension or compulsive fidgeting were both signs that Randy was irritated. “Sometimes though…” Randy trailed off and began to squirm. Gale got nervous.

“Go on, please,” encouraged the moderator, “speak your mind. Your partner will benefit from your honesty.”

Like hell I will, Gale thought.

“Well, he’s late to work a lot, which kind of delays filming. Then we have to stay later to get the shots finished.”

Gale could tell that Randy wanted to turn around and at least look at him while he was ratting him out, but Randy was fighting the urge. The moderator had made it clear from the beginning that the inner circle had their backs turned from the outer circle for a reason- it supposedly facilitated freer ‘sharing’ of emotions.

“Good!” exclaimed the moderator, “Is there anything else?”

“Sometimes he’s grouchy,” Randy said quietly, “but then, so am I!” Gale smiled at the effort his partner was trying to make on his behalf, even though he was surprised by Randy’s admissions and didn’t exactly agree with them. They could deal with that later, though- in private.

“But what really bugs me,” Randy continued in a stronger voice, “is when he can’t be bothered to learn his lines on time. I mean, that’s just disrespectful of the effort I’m making, isn’t it? If he can’t remember his lines during a scene, it throws off my acting and it wastes everyone’s time.”

Gale’s face flushed crimson and his mouth dropped wide open in shock. Why the fuck hadn’t Randy ever said anything to him about this? And why was he lying in front of all these people, most of whom they didn’t even really know? Gale always knew his lines! Didn’t he?

The moderator was nodding at Randy in keen agreement.

Yeah, bitch, Gale thought, you probably live for stirring the shit between friends, dontcha?

Gale coughed into his hand, a clear signal to Randy to please shut the fuck up now, thanks, and Randy’s back tensed noticeably.

“I guess that’s about all, though. Otherwise, we’re really good friends,” Randy was trying to make amends, Gale knew, but he’d already been publicly embarrassed and two could play that fucking game. “I love working with him,” Randy finished so quietly that most of the people in the room had to strain forward in their seats to hear him.

Gale barely listened the rest of the inner circle complaints because he was sitting stunned in his fucking uncomfortable chair wondering why Randy would tell these strangers things he couldn’t tell Gale, himself.

When it was his turn to sit in the inner circle, and everyone was getting up and switching places with their partners, he couldn’t look at Randy. He brushed past him instead, his silence speaking volumes to the concern in Randy’s eyes.

However, once Gale was settled in his chair and the moderator got the circle started in their round-robin litany of gripes, he began to change his mind about blasting Randy in this forum. The fact was, he cared about Randy- he more than cared about him- and revenge just didn’t sit well with him. Besides, he really didn’t have any complaints about his co-star. Randy was right when he said they got along well, they always had. Working with Randy was fun and he couldn’t have asked for a more generous partner.

The decision to keep his mouth shut made, Gale began to relax again and even thought about trying to sneak in a little nap. He figured the moderator might flip out but suspected that most of the other people in the room could empathize. He was in the process of yawning and stretching for the umpteenth time when the moderator set her sights on him.

“Gale?”

Gale jerked to awareness.

“Huh?”

“Is there anything you would like Randy to know about your mutual working environment?”

“Uhh,” Gale stalled, “No?”

“You’re not sure?” The moderator’s eyes narrowed suspiciously and Gale wondered idly if maybe she wouldn’t benefit from the honest input of some of her colleagues.

“I’m fine, thanks.” He gave her one of his most ingratiating smiles, hoping to intimidate her into moving on to the next poor victim, but she must have been impervious to the patented Harold charm because she pressed him to say more.

“Honesty with your partner promotes a healthy working environment, you know. I bet he’ll be a good sport about it, don’t you?” She tried her own smile out on Gale, but he wasn’t any more impressed with hers than she’d been with his.

He allowed sarcasm to seep into his tone when he replied, “We’ve been cancelled, or hadn’t you heard? What difference does it make now what kind of working relationship we have?” He heard the room gasp but Randy was amused, as evidenced by the snort of laughter coming from behind him.

The moderator stood her ground, however, and after the room had quieted, she said, “Nevertheless, this is about you and your partner. Why don’t you tell us how you feel about having to end this working relationship that you’ve both spent years developing?”

“How should I feel about it?” He asked, growing annoyed. He knew damned well how he felt about it but if this contemptuous bitch thought he was going to expose his pain to a bunch of strangers, she was out of her fucking mind. “I’ll go on with my life. He’ll go on with his. He’s quite capable of that, you know,” he finished, “he did just fine before we met and he and his partner will be fine and dandy long after I’m gone.”

Gale gave her a hard, biting smile that any normal person would have recoiled from. Not this woman.

“You seem angry,” she maintained, levelly. “Does it upset you that you know your partner will be able to manage without you after all this time spent depending on one another?”

Gale sputtered in distress, trying without success to deny the way her words made his heart seize in his chest. He could hear Randy behind him shifting uncomfortably in his chair, and suddenly all he wanted was to shut this bitch down for making them both squirm like this.

“Look, lady,” he wanted very much to keep from shouting, “of course he’d better manage without me, I expect him to and he expects me to manage without him. That’s what adults do! He doesn’t need me to nursemaid him. I’m not his fucking boyfriend!”

“Fair enough,” she said, and her oh-so-reasonable tone made Gale want to leap out of his chair and strangle her. “Maybe your anger lies elsewhere? Does it, perhaps, bother you that he has someone to depend on now besides you? That when he leaves the show, he’ll have a support system at home that doesn’t include you?” She paused for emphasis. “Do you have a boyfriend, Gale?”

“No,” he ground out, his hands balling into fists in his lap.

“Girlfriend?” She arched her eyebrow.

“No, why? Are you offering?”

That generated a chuckled that rippled throughout the room and finally caused the cunty moderator to blush.

“No,” she tried to recover by joining the laughter, “But I just want to point out before we move on that it’s possible you’re repressing some amount of resentment towards your partner because the person he’ll be leaning on soon isn’t you. A little jealousy is quite normal in these circumstances.”

“Believe me,” Gale snarled, “Randy is not the one I’m jealous of!”

“No?” the moderator asked.

“No!” Gale was finally feeling triumphant.

“Well,” the woman said softly, “if not Randy, then whom?”

Gale’s only response was to gape at her in shock. For the second time today, he felt like the kid who got his hand caught in the cookie jar. He wondered crazily why the floor hadn’t opened up yet to swallow him whole.

“Just think about it,” she urged in an insincerely comforting voice.

So much for keeping his mouth shut.

Her gaze moved on to the person sitting next to him and Gale felt like he was gagging on her assessment. His stomach rolled and for a minute it was as if he was back on that forest path this morning, wondering if he would either pass out or vomit. When finally neither thing happened, and the moderator had sliced and diced her way through two more hapless souls in her almighty quest for honesty, he turned in his chair and looked at Randy.

Randy’s head was down and while it may have seemed to anyone else like he was just bored, Gale knew from long experience that he was fighting tears. Sensing Gale’s stare, he looked up, his eyes red and filled with sympathy. Gale nearly choked on a sob that was lodged in his throat.

He couldn’t take anymore. As quickly and with as much dignity as possible, he stood, ignoring the shocked quiet that had suddenly fallen, and pushed his way out of the two circles of chairs, making for the door.

He hit it with a bang and was out and gone before he could see that Randy had risen to follow him.

The fresh air enveloped him and he broke into a jog, heading towards the lake. The blood was pounding in his ears too loudly for him to hear Randy calling after him.

Five minutes later, he was sitting on the shore plunking stones into the still water, trying hard to wipe the entire day from his mind. The air was still and warm and the lapping of the water, as the ripples made by his intruding pebbles washed ashore, helped him find a normal breathing pattern again.

He had to face it- he was losing Randy in more ways than he could bear and there wasn’t a fucking thing he could or would do to stop it. Even if he weren’t being forced, this probably would have been the natural progression anyway, and if it was taking his heart time to catch up with the facts his brain had always known, that was normal and he’d eventually get over it. Right now, though, this minute, he felt like he was breaking apart.

He heard Randy walk up behind him and he almost cried out to be left alone but he knew this confrontation had to happen and he might as well get it over with now while he was already suffering. What’s a little more misery added to the pile, after all?

Randy sat down next to him and Gale waited for him to speak. He didn’t, though. He just looked out over the lake, as Gale was doing, offering his silent support and friendship.

“Don’t feel sorry for me,” Gale finally told him. “I saw the look on your face. Don’t feel sorry for me.”

“That bitch had no right to push you like that,” Randy explained. “I hate her for it. How could she possibly know what we’re going through? Or how we’ve spent years building this relationship that lets us to lie down together, totally exposed physically and emotionally to one another, only to watch it become unnecessary, obsolete? How could she even imagine how much it hurts to say goodbye or how unique our friendship really is, how special? She can’t know, Gale. She had no right to presume she knew.”

Gale was grateful that Randy understood some of what he’d been feeling while he’s sat there, laid bare by her words, aching. He would never get all of it, of course. How could he? Gale had deliberately kept him in the dark and despite everything they’d shared, this one thing that ripped him apart more than anything else was his burden to carry, not Randy’s.

Words had left him, so rather than try to thank Randy for his kindness, he reached a hand out and placed it on the back of Randy’s neck. It was their own little signal, their way of telling one another that everything is fine, that there is friendship and trust waiting, if needed. He knew Randy understood the gesture.

Minutes passed in silence, each man lost in his own thoughts. Finally Randy spoke again.

“I didn’t ask him to come, Gale. He drove out here on his own, late last night.”

“Randy, you don’t have to-“

“No, I want you to know this, let me finish, ok?”

Gale closed his mouth again and nodded.

“We’re having problems. Part of it is that we don’t see enough of each other, but that’s not nearly all of it. I told him not come here, that none of us were bringing partners, but I guess he thought it would be a nice surprise.”

Randy chuckled but it was a cynical sound that prompted Gale to watch his friend’s face closely.

“Some surprise. I spent an hour bitching him out for it.” Randy rubbed his face as he remembered the acrimonious argument. “I had thought that maybe, being here for a weekend like this… well, it doesn’t matter what I thought, the point is, I didn’t want him here. I didn’t want to be with him here.”

He picked up a few of the pebbles Gale had been tossing earlier and threw them into the water, one by one. Gale waited quietly for him to continue.

“And then this morning, I felt guilty. He’d only been trying to help, trying to bring us closer together. He didn’t know that I’d already made up my mind to end it.” Tears had begun to trickle down Randy’s face. Gale squeezed his neck gently. “I woke up early and decided to go for a walk in the woods- they’re so beautiful, you know?” Gale nodded. “He came after me with a blanket because he thought I’d be cold.”

“When he found me, I let him make love to me,” Randy admitted, “And then I sent him away.” A sob hitched in his chest and Gale let his hand fall to his friend’s back, where he rubbed small circles of comfort. “I saw you there and I suddenly felt so ashamed. Of what I was doing, of how I couldn’t find the courage to tell him. Of how much I wanted-”

“Randy, stop.” Ignoring the irony in Randy’s words, the way they sliced through his own circumstance, Gale was desperate for Randy to understand him, “I don’t want you to be ashamed, not of anything; you haven’t done anything wrong. I’m sorry about this morning. I wasn’t trying to spy, I swear!” Randy was shaking his head, but Gale plowed on, “I heard a sound, I thought maybe someone might be hurt. I wasn’t trying to- to watch or- or to- I’m just so sorry. I was turning away to go back to when you spotted me. I’ve felt so awful about it all day.

“I’m sorry about Simon, too, Rands.” A few tears rolled down Gale’s face, too.

“My god,” Randy laughed shakily, “look at us. Just a couple of drama queens.” He sniffled and rubbed his face on his sleeve.

“Yeah,” Gale smiled weakly, “I guess we are.”

They fell silent again, each trying to collect himself in his own way.

They watched the sun begin its descent but neither man felt compelled to rise and return to the camp.

Again, it was Randy who broke the silence.

“To tell you the truth, I haven’t been very motivated to work things out with him.”

Gale was surprised to hear this and turned to face him again. “Why not?”

“Because I know you’re in love with me and I’ve sort of been waiting to see if you would do anything about it.”

“God,” Gale croaked and lurched to his feet. He staggered away from Randy, moving along the edge of the water like a man whose joints had all given out at once. Randy rose in alarm and followed him. Finally, as in the woods this morning, Gale bent at the waist, placed his numb hands on his knees for balance and swayed, dangerously close to collapsing.

Randy grabbed him by one forearm and wrapped his other arm around Gale’s waist, but it was still a poor bet that he’d be able to catch the larger man if he fell.

“I’m sorry,” he rushed to explain, “I guess I should have found a more graceful way of saying that.”

Gale sucked in huge gulps of air, trying hard to contain his panic.

“How did you know?” he gasped.

“Does it matter?” Randy asked softly, “I know.”

Gale shook his head, struggling to find oxygen. How many times today was he going to fall so completely to pieces, he wondered.

Finally, his runner’s training began to kick in and the air started flowing more freely into his lungs. He reached a hand out to Randy, who grasped it immediately, and on wobbly legs, bent and sat down again. Randy joined him once more on the soft grass.

Randy watched him and waited until he thought Gale might have better control of himself before asking, “Why didn’t you ever tell me, Gale?”

Gale laughed- a loud, humorless sound that made Randy wince.

“I couldn’t,” he answered simply, still shaking his head.

“Why not?” Randy’s question was almost a whisper.

Gale didn’t answer for a very long time and Randy thought that perhaps he had chosen to ignore the question, when finally the man took a deep breath and spoke.

“I’m under contract,” he muttered darkly.

Randy shook his head, “I don’t understand.”

“No,” Gale spoke softly into the gathering darkness, “neither do I.”

Randy had no idea how to respond. He shrugged, silently urging Gale to explain.

“It didn’t matter at first,” Gale’s voice was faint, as if speaking were painful to him. “I didn’t know you then, so I thought it didn’t matter. I wanted the job and I honestly didn’t think we’d get picked up for more than a few episodes. My agent told me to renegotiate, or refuse to sign, but I needed the job. I couldn’t even fucking feed myself anymore.”

“Gale, what are you taking about?” Randy was afraid of the answer.

Gale turned to him and Randy saw stark devastation in his eyes.

“The production company has always known I’m gay.” Gale’s voice was devoid of life. “I let them closet me, Randy, for five long years. I lied for them- for my job. I gave up who I was so the money would keep flowing in.”

Randy was shaking his head in denial.

“For two years I didn’t have to say anything. Whenever anyone asked, I would just say it was no one’s business. That wasn’t so bad except that I was already so completely in love with you that most of the time it took every ounce of strength I had not to break down and tell you everything. I’ve been lying to you, Randy; how could I do that?”

Gale’s hands lay cold and limp in his lap and Randy reached to take one but Gale didn’t respond, as if he couldn’t feel the warmth of Randy’s flesh pushing against his own.

“Then the demographics came in, two seasons’ worth. That’s when things got really sick. Half the audience was straight women- women the network was certain they’d lose if it was discovered I was gay.” Randy was horrified but he listened as Gale went on.

“They were so convincing. They told me we’d be canceled if I came out. They said no one in television history had or would have an opportunity like this to show that a straight man could play a strongly sexual gay role; that I had to tell everyone I was straight. When that didn’t work, when I refused to call myself straight, they threatened to kill Brian off, to fire me and make sure I’d never get another job in television or movies again. Do you believe they used that old line?”

He turned to Randy, his eyes flat and humorless, “Do you believe I almost fell for it? But then they pulled out the big guns. ‘Do it for the show’, they told me, ‘for Randy and the rest of the cast, you don’t want to hurt Randy, do you’? They used you against me. They knew I loved you more than anything else.”

The words fell out of Gale’s mouth as if they were stones falling into a black crevasse. Still he continued, “They set up the interviews, told me what to say and after a lifetime of cocksucking, I was a straight man. Just like that!” His breath caught. “Brian could be unapologetically gay but Gale had to be stuffed so far into the closet that eventually even his parents began to believe the lie.”

He finally broke and cried, his chest rising and falling in ragged sobs. Randy pulled him into a close embrace and repeated meaningless promises and comfort to him, but Gale was inconsolable. He would have to cry himself out and all Randy could do was wait with him and be the support he’d need and want when it was done.

It was full dark before Randy finally managed to coax Gale back to the main camp and into his cabin. He turned on a lamp near his bed, threw the clothes and other belongings he’d left on it this morning to the floor and told Gale to lay down.

“I’m gonna go the mess and get us some dinner, if they’re still serving,” he told Gale, stroking the hair off his damp face. “I’ll be right back, will you be ok?”

“I’m fine,” sighed Gale, “I’ll be fine, now.”

Randy smiled and rose to leave.

“Rands.” Gale called and Randy could tell he was already drifting off to sleep. “Thanks,” he mumbled.

“You’re welcome,” Randy whispered, and slipped out the door.

It took him a lot longer to get back to his cabin than he’d hoped it would. Word had spread about Gale’s afternoon outburst and their friends and co-workers wanted to be reassured that everything was okay. Randy spent time placating them but dodged Greenblatt and the production team- he wasn’t certain he’d be able to hold in his anger if confronted with their smarmy false concern for Gale.

He gathered dinner for both of them and made his exit as quickly as he was able. He returned to the cabin to find Gale still sleeping and rather than wake him up, he laid down beside him, wrapped his arm over the sleeping man’s shoulder and let himself drift off, too.

When Gale woke some hours later, he felt lighter, better for having told Randy the truth. He had half expected Randy to be angry with him for lying to him all those years and he chastised himself for not having more faith in his friend.

He felt Randy’s arm slung limply over him and the warmth of his body pressing against him from behind. It was the most natural, comfortable feeling he’d had in years. He turned quietly, trying to not jostle Randy into wakefulness, and wrapped himself around the man. He buried his face in Randy’s soft hair, just breathing in his smell, and marveled at the sense of freedom that simple act gave him.

It almost didn’t matter if Randy decided he wouldn’t be able to return Gale’s feelings. He’d understand now if he went back to Simon. What counted, what really made his heart race, was that he’d finally told the truth to the one person in the world he trusted the most, and it was OK. Everything was OK. He knew that no matter what happened in his future, he was out and goddammit, this time he was staying out.

He nearly laughed with relief.

He was still holding Randy some time later when he felt him stir and begin to wake.

“Gale?” his voice was sleepy and disoriented.

“It’s ok, Rands,” he answered softly, “you can go back to sleep if you want.”

“Mmmm,” Randy rolled onto his back and stretched, “No, I don’t want to. In fact, I’m starving, aren’t you?” Randy turned his head to find Gale smiling at him. The look in Gale’s eyes, the way his face was unguarded, soft and suffused with love and gratitude created in Randy’s body an instant and urgent reaction. He suddenly forgot about having missed dinner.

He rolled back into Gale, pulling him close and covering those lips he’d dreamed about for five years with his own. Gale’s hungry response was all the encouragement he needed and with a few simple movements, their clothes were lying in a heap on the floor by the bed.

Randy wasn’t at all surprised to find that Gale was an excellent lover. It may have been some time since the last time he’d been with a man, (years, Gale had told him in a panted whisper and Randy nearly cried for him), but he certainly had not forgotten how to make a boy shudder, call out his name and grind against him like a dog in heat. His hands were strong and tender, his mouth expert, his cock spectacular and his spirit giving.

It was several hours before they remembered dinner and their ravenous hunger. They brought the meal Randy had gotten for them to the bed and attacked it, but they seemed unable to keep from reaching out constantly to touch, stroke and kiss one another. Halfway through the meal their impatience won and the remainder of dinner landed next to their clothes on the floor.

By dawn they were nearly satiated. They’d showered once already and were talking about having another one when Gale brought up the subject of their future.

He had spent years hiding from Randy and now that he’d finally told the truth, he wasn’t about to stop.

“I don’t care if we never get married,” he said bluntly, “but I want to be with you. I’ve spent too many years pining away for your delicious form and brilliant mind. So unless you have strong objections, I intend to spend many more years being the thorn in your side.”

“Ummmm,” Randy was smiling, “Never a thorn.” He reached down to stroke Gale’s cock, watching with delight the results of his ministrations. “Nope, no thorns here.”

Gale’s intake of breath guaranteed that this would be a short discussion, but before they got totally off track, Randy licked his ear and whispered, “Marriage is fine with me, actually. I see a big wedding, don’t you? We’ll invite Greenblatt and watch him stroke out at the thought of his DVD sales falling off.”

Gale’s laugh sparkled. “You know,” he murmured, turning his head to give Randy better access to the tender flesh behind his ear, “I think that when all those straight housewives learn we really are in love, DVD sales will go through the fucking roof!”

The End