Elliott: Crayon Physics
Crayon Physics
Author:  yoursweater
Pairing: Brian/Justin
Rating: G
Timeline: Future
Spoilers: No
Archive: Ridiculously
Summary: When Elliott was three, he put a piece of crayon up his nose.

Author's Note: This is what happens when I'm up at 2:30 in the morning. And a lot of people commented on the original Elliott story with their idea of where Elliott came from, but I'm actually not going to tell you - you can imagine whatever you feel comfortable with. Okay. Enjoy.


 

When Elliott was three, he put a piece of crayon up his nose.

Brian had been the one who discovered it first, eyes wide and eyebrows raised as he carefully surveyed the still sharpened end of the crayon that had been originally thought to be harmless, but was currently wedged deep into his son’s nostril.

“Justin?” He had called out carefully, glancing over his shoulder quickly and then training his gaze back on the child in front of him, just to make sure that he didn’t vanish to somewhere unreachable by full grown human size before the small object could be removed. “Come here for a second.”

Justin had appeared behind the couch, looking down to where Elliott was slapping his palms flat against the surface of the coffee table and jumping up and down on his feet, apparently oblivious to the piece of wax in his nose.

“What?” Justin had asked, leaning forward and bracing his hands against the back of the couch to follow Brian’s gaze and peer down at his son.

“I think he has a crayon up his nose.” Brian had said very carefully, fully aware that Justin had more talent then Jennifer and Emmett combined at queening out. Justin’s eyes had widened, a little more dramatically then Brian’s had, before he walked around the side of the couch to kneel down beside his son, who was still content with the bouncing he was doing.

“Elliott.” Justin waved his hand to get his son’s attention, and Elliott had turned to the side to face him, a wide grin breaking out across his face when he noticed how arched Justin’s eyebrows were. They almost disappeared into his hairline, the same way the crayon pretty much disappeared up Elliott’s nose. “Holy fuck.”

An hour later found them in the diner. Elliott sat on the counter top as Debbie tried to pick the crayon out with her finger, customers watched from their respective booths, and Brian and Justin argued a few feet away – something about how Brian never should have let a three year old watch that episode of The Simpsons. In the end Elliott just screamed really loud and Brian threatened to leave twice after the argument about The Simpsons turned to the basic logistics of a three year old cramming an entire crayon up his nose. It just wasn’t possible.

“Should we take him to the hospital?” Justin had asked Debbie while they both blew on Elliott’s face to try and get him to sneeze. Brian told them both they were going to destroy his son in more ways then a crayon up the nose would, and at first Justin had disagreed but then Debbie told them both that it was what she did to Michael once when he stuck a piece of corn up one nostril and a purple bead in the other. At that point Justin figured maybe that was why Michael was so… Michael, and promptly moved Elliott from the counter to announce that they were in fact going to go to the emergency room.

They sat in the waiting room at the hospital for three and a half hours. Elliott breathed really loud, Brian complained about whatever he saw fit, and Justin tried to block them both out. A bordering overweight nurse moved them from the waiting room to a cubicle with a curtain, where they sat for another half hour until a doctor came in. At that point Brian was threatening to sue anybody who looked at him funny, and Elliott was half asleep and drooling in Justin’s lap.

“He has a piece of crayon up his left nostril.” The doctor had told them, after a thorough exploration of Elliott’s now red nose with the small flashlight that had materialized from his front pocket. Justin had nodded like he’d just been told the sky was really red, and Brian just rolled his eyes and complained again.

“So can you get it out?” Justin had asked, standing up to set Elliott down on the paper covered examination table. The doctor nodded and rummaged around in a drawer for a few moments before pulling out a silver tool that looked suspiciously like a set of tweaked out pliers. “Uh, you’re going to use that?”

Brian left the examination room with a sobbing Elliott in one arm and a woozy Justin behind him, something about how he thought he was going to faint when the doctor twisted ‘that frontal lobe removal tool’ up Elliott’s nose. It had been a completely harmless procedure, the doctor had assured them both, and Brian was pretty sure that Elliott was just crying because he knew he’d get ice cream out of the whole ordeal anyways. Then Brian kind of had a proud moment because his son was only three years old but already he’d learnt how to successfully con stuff out of his elders. Except Brian definitely wasn’t old.

On the way home Elliott fell asleep in his car seat and Justin complained a lot about how the doctor had forced that tool up Elliott’s nose, but then Brian reminded him that technically Elliott forced a yellow crayon up his nose anyways, so really it was a moot point on Justin’s end.

Brian didn’t get any that night, and Justin had a scowl on his face the entire way home.