Ungodly - Chapter 8 - Avoid Him
 

Avoid it, do not travel on it; turn from it and go on your way.
Proverbs 4:15

___________________

J.T

Today: Wednesday evening. Still third day of camp.

***

I can’t even begin to express how fucking relieved I am when I hear Brian’s feet padding across the small expanse of floor and then the weight of his body on my bed.  So, so, SO relieved.  I let out a huge sigh of relief and happiness for extra affect.  In the dark, Brian laughs at me, low and quiet.  I love his laugh – especially when he’s horny.  It’s all…husky and deep and sexy.  I reach up as his body hovers over mine and thrust my hands in his hair and bring his lips down to meet mine.  I also love his hair, love grabbing it, and love his hands ‘cause his hands are, as I’ve sad so many times before, beautiful.  And gentle as they slip up inside my shirt.

I love his mouth and the way if feels devouring me. Or when he just smiles.  I love his smile.  His ‘I’m sexy and you and I both know it’ smile.  My hands slide away from his head and down his back to grab the hem of his shirt and pull it up over his head.  Then my hands are splayed across the skin of his back.  I love his skin; it’s so impossibly smooth despite the scars and scratches decorating it.  His tongue slides into my mouth to meet mine and I realize that I love his tongue too.  I love the way it feels sliding across my skin and invading my mouth.  I love everything about Brian Kinney.  I wonder if it’s possible to actually love someone in the time span of just a few days.

He sighs into my mouth and I know it is possible.

Because I’m in fucking deep, DEEP love with him.

And I don’t think there’s a way out.  That’s how deep.

My shirt is pulled up over my head and his lips slide away from my own, now swollen and bruised from his ferocity, and slide down the flushed skin of my chest, teeth biting my tender skin.  I mark easily so I can only imagine how many hickies he’s leaving on me right now. With my luck, we’ll be swimming tomorrow and everyone will see and wonder and things might slowly being to fall into place. Shit, I hope that doesn’t happen.  My worries are kicked away when Brian’s fingers tug on my pants.  I lift my hips up off the bed automatically and they’re quickly pulled off and thrown to the floor carelessly. 

He’s on top of me again.  He has too much clothes on.

His pants need to go.

“Take them off,”

I ram my hips purposely against his.

“I want to feel you so bad.”

His lips lift off my skin; he grins, and complies, hurriedly pulling off his pants to reveal himself in all his perfectbeautifulhotwonderful naked glory.  He crawls back over me and sucks on my throat, mouth moving and tongue teasing into the hollow of said throat.  I tilt my head back allowing him to do more of his sinful acts to my throat. It feels good – better than I could have imagined. I mean, it’s only my throat.  He dips his tongue into my hollow again and I don’t even try to suppress the moan that streams out of my mouth. Then he stops all lip/tongue action and moves back so that he’s sitting between my legs.

“Sit up.”

His voice is low but very controlling.  I do as he asks and sit cross-legged in front of him and wait for his next command.  “Get on your hands and knees.”  His commanding is a major turn on for me and I quickly do what he says.  My dick is painfully hard right now and, if I hope to get any release soon, then I need to do exactly what he says without any mistakes.  Feeling slightly nervous all of the sudden, I turn around and place myself on my hands and knees like he ordered.  I feel oddly…vulnerable?  Displayed? I don’t know what the right word is.  Maybe embarrassed showing myself to him like this?

I don’t know why I would be though.

So I push the feeling away and the feel of Brian on his knees right behind me, cock teasing my ass, and his hand sliding down my spine help push it away until it’s nonexistent.  I push back against him impatiently and it earns me a slightly hard slap on my right cheek.  The tingling pain quickly dissolves and turns into pleasure more than anything.  “Be patient.”  God, I’m dying here, his extremely hot show of dominance is getting to my dick.  A lot.  I groan and tell my body to obey and not move, however, that’s hard when the god behind you has his dick right there.  His hands proceed to travel back up my spine, over my shoulders, and then down my sides coming closer an closer to my ass.

My body jerks back against him again but I can’t help it.  His hand slaps down across my ass again and the tingling pain slowly turns into pleasure and makes my dick, if this is even possible, harder.  “What’d I say," I don’t answer. I’m not aware that I’m even supposed to answer him.  I hang my head and concentrate on keeping my breathing steady and, also, on not jerking back against him like that.  He suddenly slaps me again and a strangled moan is yanked out of my mouth in response.  “Justin, I asked you a question.  Answer me.”  Oh fucking god.  I’m going to fucking cum if he doesn’t cut the act soon and fuck me.  Hard.

“Y-you said to be…”

I let out a long breath.  His hand coming around my hips and stroking my dick make it extremely hard to answer anything.  He slaps me again with his free hand and I moan out, which I’m not sure I’m even allowed to do but, if I’m not, he gives me mercy and doesn’t slap me.  “I said to be what?”  I let out a shaky breath, my skin becoming raw where he has slapped me repeatedly, and force my mouth to answer him.  “Patient.”  He leans forward, chest resting just slightly across my back, dick teasing my ass even more, and his mouth hovering near my ear, breath giving me goose bumps.  “Good boy.”  He tugs my dick a few times before releasing it and, still, leaving me unsatisfied.

His hand gently caresses the freshly-slapped and extremely tender skin of my ass and his fingers slowly stroke. I can hear the smirk in his voice.  “Did you like that, Taylor?  Did you like being spanked?”  I let out a inaudible yes.  It’s on accident.  But I can hardly breathe and he expects me to talk normal? I don’t think so.  But, it earns me a hard slap across my very tender skin anyway. I let out a strangled moan/cry and grip the sheets beneath my fingers.  I’m surprised I haven’t collapsed from being extremely horny with no release.  “Louder.”  I nod, draw in a deep breath, and, “Y-yes.”  It must be loud enough for him because he begins caressing the raw skin again under the gentle pads of his fingers.

“Did it hurt?”

“Yeah…”

“Did it feel good, Justin?”

“Y-yes…”

My voice gets slightly quieter but, I guess, not too quiet because he doesn’t spank me.  “Does it make you hard?”  Yes, very, very hard.  I answer but, again, it’s almost inaudible.  This time he spanks me on the other cheek.  The one that hasn’t even been touched yet.  A new round of pain and pleasure travel towards my leaking cock.  I clench tighter to the bed sheets and realize that my body is shaking.  He better hurry before I die.  I can only imagine the headline in the newspaper tomorrow morning.  “Young Man Dies of Horniness”: talk about embarrassing.  “I said louder.”

“Yes.”

“Yes, what?”

“Yes, yes, it makes me hard.”

His hand begins caressing again.

“What makes you hard?”

He’s milking this for all it’s worth.  I’m never letting him do this again.  Ok, I’d probably do anything that he asked of me because he’s…Brian.  “Y-you…spanking me.”  His fingers grab the hair in the back of my head and he’s leaning over me again.  He pulls my head back and forces his lips against mine in a long, searing, and bruising kiss that I’ll probably never forget.  A kiss that’ll probably make me hard just by thinking about it when I’m bored.  He pulls back, both of us breathing hard, and both our lips extremely swollen.  He smiles a small smile at me. “Good boy.  You’re a good listener.”  He pulls back again and I feel him get up off the bed.  I start to move and maybe sit down but his hand is suddenly colliding with my ass again.

“I didn’t tell you to move.”

Or I’ll just stay like this, on all fours. I feel him get on the bed again a few moments later and I know he had gotten a condom and his lube.  I had heard the rustling noise of the fabric of his pants.  I hear the condom package rip open and a small grunt as he puts it on.  I wish I could look back at him, watch him, I love watching him prepare me with his fingers.  I love watching him period.  I listen as the lube is opened and wait impatiently as he spreads it on his fingers, warms it up, and places one of his hands on the base of my spine.  The index finger of his other hand moves around my hole, teasing me.  I bite my bottom lip, hard, and tell myself not to move, although, the prospect of getting slapped might make me change my mind.

The whole spanking thing is extremely hot.

His finger invades and my breath hitches.  He quickly stills and lets me adjust to the sensation.  His middle finger is next, slowly inching inside.  I bite my lip harder to keep from saying something. He hasn’t told me I can speak so I won’t.  Then a third finger and I’m biting my lip so hard I taste blood. Fuck, I’m hurting myself.  I don’t release my lip though.  For some reason I can’t.  His fingers suddenly scissor inside me and I can’t suppress the gaspy cry that slides out of my mouth. He doesn’t spank me.  Instead, he pulls his fingers out and he leaves me painfully empty.  Then he’s kneeling right behind me again, fingers curling into my hips and, with a grunt, he shoves forward and eases himself inside of me.

“Yesss…”

One of his hands slides up my spine and grabs the hair at the back of my head again, yanks my head back, and begins thrusting for all it’s worth as he forces his lips against mine.  His hand is gripping my hip in a painful but pleasurable grip  as he speeds up the process, balls slapping against my ass and his dick pumping against my prostate in a different pattern every thrust.  I’m fucking dizzy with everything that’s going on.  My back arches against his chest, my fingers curl painfully tight into the sheets, his teeth bite down into my shoulder and I’m coming, a shaky mess beneath him.  A few more thrusts and he’s next, collapsing on top of me. I quickly fall on my stomach and bury my face in my pillow.  God – that had been…hot.  He should play commando more often.

A few moments later he slides out of me and the condom is thrown away somewhere, hopefully somewhere that Marcus won’t see when he wakes us up in the morning, and he stays on my back a few minutes more, breathing slowing back down to normal in my ear.  I almost ask him to stay.  I almost tell him that I don’t care if we’re caught.  I just want him to stay in bed with me but I don’t because that would be stupid and, when he lifts up off of me, I ignore the abandoned feeling in the pit of my stomach.  I get off my bed too but only to change the sheets since I just came all over them.  Good thing I brought some sheets from home.  I hadn’t known the beds were already going to have sheets.

I change them and I can feel Brian’s eyes on me as I do.

“How’s your ass?”

I grin at him over my shoulder.

“Sore.  You’re brutal.”

“You liked it, whiner.”

He comes up behind me, arms wrapping around me, and kisses me on the side of the neck.  Then he pulls away and settles himself in his own bed.  “I did.”  He says he knew it and I tuck myself in under my blankets and stare up at the ceiling and listen to Brian’s steady breathing.  I look over at his bed but I can’t see him.  The moon isn’t out tonight so it isn’t providing any light in the cabin. So, I stare into darkness.

“Brian?”

“Hmm…”

He sounds groggy, tired and half asleep.  I draw in a deep, fearful breath.

“I-I think I love you.”

He doesn’t say anything and, for some reason, I hadn’t expected him to.

___________________

B. K

Today: Thursday. Fourth day of camp.

***

He told me he loved me.

After he said that last night I hadn’t been able to sleep. Hell, I didn’t even close my eyes.  “I-I think I love you.”  That was too busy ringing shrilly in my ears.  I didn’t say anything and if he cared about my silence he didn’t say that he did.  About ten minutes later I heard his breath slow, deep, and steady and I knew he was asleep.  He told me he loved me.  What am I supposed to do?  Love is…such a strong word.  Love isn’t something I’ve ever been familiar with.  The only love I know is the love that I see when I’m at home, which is usually slaps across the face and other abusive acts.

I look over at the window as the sun slowly rises and then down at the blond who’s still fast asleep.  His hair’s a complete mess, flying in all directions, and his chest is revealed to have hundreds of hickies I must have left there last night.  His blanket just barley covers his narrow hips.  My eyes travel back up to his face; his lips that are still bruised from last nights extremely hot activities.  He had been so hot, listening to me, shaking beneath me.  It had been to watch to see his skin go from pale to pink under the palm of my hands.  I shake my head and look up at the ceiling. 

“Brian, I-I think I love with you…”

I curse under my breath and ram the heels of my hands against my eyes.  I ease out of bed, take a shower, and get dressed as quietly as possible so he doesn’t wake up.  He doesn’t and I look over at the clock. Marcus will be here in about ten minutes to wake us up.  Still feeling shocked and confused, I hurry out of the cabin and head towards the dining hall.  There are other people awake too.  I pass Marcus on the way there and he politely offers me a greeting. I only nod.  “I-I think I love with you.”  I tell my head to shut the fuck up.  I don’t want to think about it anymore but…I can’t stop.  His timid, slightly fearful, voice rings loud in my ears and I don’t know what to do except sit at a table I usually don’t sit at with people I usually don’t sit with and hope that the seat in front of me is taken so he won’t be able to sit with me today.

Love. Love. Love. Love.

I’ve never loved anyone before.  I’ve never even loved any of my relatives and with good reason.  I wasn’t even aware that I could love?  So, do I love Justin Taylor?  Can I even think about loving another human being?  For God’s sake, I can’t even think about loving a fucking dog!  Justin Taylor.  When I think about him I feel…different.  I’m not even about to say that I feel fucking fuzzy because, no, that’s not a word I use.  But I feel…fine, I feel fucking fuzzy when I’m around him, when I’m fucking him, when I’m kissing him, when I’m thinking about him…when I’m anythinging him.  Fuck – now I’m making up words.  Someone sits in front of me and the last spot is taken.

Ten minutes later when Justin walks in I avoid his hurt and confused stare.

And I ignore the sick feeling I feel when he sits alone.

___________________

J.T

This is my fault.

I shouldn’t have told him how I felt. I’m such a fucking idiot.  I look away from him and quickly sit down at our, my, normal table and act as if I’m not hurt by his abandoning me and making me sit alone.  I try not to look over at him while I eat but I do anyway.  Once I even met his gaze.  He quickly looks away though and I feel a sick, hurt feeling inside of me. I eat faster so I can get out of the dining room and then hurry out of there like a bat out of hell.  I practically run all the way back to the cabin, suddenly feeling like I want to cry.  So, I do and pray that Brian doesn’t come back and see me.

Once I calm myself down, Brian hasn’t even made an appearance; I look down at the paper with the schedule for Thursday on it.  We have free time until twelve.  That’s…hours from now. It’s only nine now.  I fold the schedule and shove it in the pocket of my jeans.  Then I head out.  Brian’s nowhere to be seen. At first anyway.  When I first see him he’s by the lake with a few other people.  He isn’t really talking to them but he is standing with them, basically, following them around.  When he sees me he quickly looks away and does everything in his power to act like I’m not there.

To put it lightly:

…I feel like total shit.

¹ Give me relief from my distress
Psalm 4:1

:::::::::::

J.T

Today: Friday evening.

***

I hadn’t even bothered going to lunch.  What was the point?  Why would I want to put myself through that torment all over again?  So, instead of eating, I had sat by the lake the entire time hoping that Marcus wouldn’t come looking for me.  That was the last thing I had needed at the time.  Lucky for me, he hadn’t.  When lunch had let out at two there had been an hour of “free time” where you could, obviously, do whatever the hell you wanted.  I had settled with sitting on the grass near the lake, leaning against the large trunk of a tree, and sketching.  What else could I do?

I hadn’t befriended anyone here except Brian.

And I knew I couldn’t go looking for him for something to do.

I had royally screwed up.  After “free time” everyone had gone swimming. I had told Marcus I didn’t feel good and would rather watch.  He believed me. Probably because I really didn’t feel good.  So, he let me just sit there on the grass and watch while the others enjoyed the cool water of the lake.  I cursed mentally when I let my eyes wander over to Brian’s shirtless form.  Did I mention wet shirtless form?  I had spent the rest of that time looking at everywhere but in Brian’s direction, inwardly hoping that he would walk over and treat me normally seeing as I wasn’t about to walk around and make friends.

He hadn’t.

So, that’s why I’m walking all alone after dinner back to the cabin.

Being alone fucking sucks.  No one should express their feelings.  Whoever the hell said it was a good thing to do was high.  Or just really stupid.  Suddenly something is thrown at me.  It’s hard.  It’s a small rock.  Startled, I stop walking and turn around.  Oh, Chris. 

“Hey, Taylor what happened to your boyfriend?  Fight?”

This has got to be the one thing that I hadn’t wanted to happen at the moment.  I roll my eyes at the stupid comment, choose to ignore it, and begin walking back towards my cabin. He follows me. I can hear him. He isn’t exactly quiet.  He’s so fucking stupid, that’s what he is.

“Ignoring me now, fag?”

“That was the plan.”

“You shouldn’t.”

I choose not to answer again because I’m getting really, really annoyed and I don’t want to say anything I’ll regret.  Suddenly, I’m being grabbed, dragged towards the lake, and shoved in.  Fucktard.  It’s not like I don’t know how to swim.  He could’ve done worst – not that I’m going to come out and ask him to.  He runs off laughing like it’s the most hilarious thing in the world – me getting wet.  Who wouldn’t find the humor in that?  Though, I will admit that I had swallowed a gallon of the water and was now sputtering and choking on it.  Two hands soon help me out and hold me steady as I bend over still coughing.

Chris was such a retard.

I slowly stand up straight once the choking subsides and meet the eyes of the one person I had wanted to talk to all day but had ignored me like I was a disgusting disease.  I wrench my arm out of his hand and push him away. “Get the fuck away from me, Brian.”  He doesn’t look offended and a part of me wishes he would be offended.  That he would be hurt since I don’t want him around but obviously, that isn’t going to happen because he’s the one that doesn’t want me around.

“Are you alright?”

I scoff and, arms crossed over my wet chest, begin to head towards the cabin.

“Like you care.”

“Well, are you?”

“It’s nothing a towel can’t fix.”

We both finish our walk to the cabin in complete uncomfortable silence.  I push ahead of him and hurry inside and then proceed to slam myself into the bathroom with a towel.  I dry myself off, feeling angrier and more stupid by the second.  ‘You should have kept your mouth shut, Taylor.  Stupid idiot.’  Once I’m dry, my hair still damp, I change into some dry clothes and head back out of the bathroom. I ignore Brian as I walk past his bed and get into mine, pull the covers up to my chin, and stare up at the ceiling. 

I wait for one of us to say something – preferably him.

After all, he is the one who should be saying something. How about a nice sorry for ignoring me all day?  Is that too much to ask for?  Of course it is so that’s why I’m the one who ends up speaking first.

“Are you going to continue avoiding me?”

He doesn’t say anything at first and I figure he’s just going to ignore me but,

“I’m not avoiding you.”

“Brian – fuck you.” 

:::::::::::

B.K

Today: Saturday.  Last night of camp.

He’s taken me avoiding him hard.  Really hard. 

But none of this is my fault. If I had known that screwing him a few times would make him fall in love with me you can guarantee that I would have never even said the word hi to him.  God, he wasn’t supposed to fall in love with me.  He was supposed to have a good time, enjoy it all, and just…not fall in love with me.  I should have never popped his cherry.  My fucking dick has gotten me into a hole that I can’t get out of.

Yes, siree, it has.

Why would he fall in love with me?  I’m a bastard.  I’m uncaring. I’m…evil.  ‘You were never evil to him…until now.’  True.  Why, I don’t know.  It’s kind of hard to be mean to someone who looks so cute all the time.  And innocent.  And perfect like him.  You try being mean to him. It’s damn near impossible. No, let me correct myself: it is impossible.  And not only am I avoiding him now – he’s avoiding me.  “Brian – fuck you.”  Ouch.  I suppose I had deserved that last night.  I mean, I was totally lying.  We’re both smart and know that.

I don’t even know why I lied.

Probably because I had no idea how to respond.

“Justin.”

He’s eating lunch at our table – my old table – with his back to me.  I don’t know what the hell I’m doing. I’m probably trying to “patch things up” so I don’t have to feel so bad when I see him sitting all one all the time.  I’m sure there’s another reason to this madness, fixing things.  ‘Yeah, you like him you fucking shallow idiot.’  But I’m pretty sure that’s not it.  Ok, Actually, I’m pretty sure that is it. I do like him.  Do I love him?  That’s a topic I don’t even want to get into right now.  Love is…never mind.  That word can be discussed when I’ve had about…a million beers.

His head spins around and his frowning face looks up at me.

“What do you want?  This is the reject table.”

Someone’s grumpy.  ‘Because of you.’

“Can I sit down?”

“I don’t know – can you?”

“May I sit down?”

I roll my eyes down at him.  God, he’s so annoying sometimes.  I guess I deserve it though.  But, I have to remember that all of this is HIS fault.

“No.”

“I will anyway.”

“I know.”

“Well, I’m glad you know.”

I sit down across from him.  Even thought the two of us aren’t really talking to each other I feel a million times more comfortable sitting here than I had ever felt over at the other table. Maybe because at the other table girls flirted with me.  That has to be a huge reason for my uncomfortable feeling over there.  I also know, however, that I…oh god…this is going to sound totally retarded and gay…but I missed Justin.  A lot.  Stupid blond idiot.  Provoking these unwanted feelings out of me.   He doesn’t meet my eyes when I look at him from across the table.  He stares down at his food like it’s the best thing in the world.

And everyone in the cafeteria knows that isn’t true.

This food is disgusting.

“Justin,”

“Is there something you want?”

Uh – yes.

“Yes.”

He looks at me now, eyebrow raised and an annoyed look on his face.

“What?”

“You.”

“You have a fucked up way of showing it.”

I smile and shrug. And me smiling might not be the best thing to do at the moment.  He narrows his eyes at me and looks back down at his food.

“Fuck you.”

God – he loves saying that to me doesn’t he?  I don’t care though.  I’m going to get him back if it’s the last thing I do.  And don’t even ask me why I’m so determined to get one little person back into my fucked up life.  Probably because he doesn’t make it as fucked up.

“If that’s what it takes.”

His head snaps up and I think his cheeks start to turn a light shade of pink.  But he’s quick to duck his head again.  “I – you – whatever, Brian.  You’re the one who…fucked me over.  Why are you so determined to…fix things? I’m sure that there are millions of guys who’d love to be fucked by you and won’t mind getting fucked over the next.  Not me.”  He gets up and heads towards the doors that’ll lead us outside. I quickly jump out of my seat and follow him. Like I’m going to let him get away that easily.  As soon as we’re outside and away from prying eyes I grab his wrist and pull him to a quick stop.

“I didn’t mean to.”

“Hah, yeah, ok.  Let go of me.”

I don’t comply.  It’s only been a day but I’d rather not deprive myself of the feel of his skin any longer. 

“I’m serious, Justin.”

“Let go of me, asshole.”

“Won’t you just hear me out?”

He stops struggling away and I reluctantly drop his wrist. He immediately crosses his arms over his chest and stands there, stubborn and angry frown on his face, and holds his narrowed flashing eyes on me.  Ok, now that I’ve got him still I just need to think of what to say. Without sounding totally ridiculous.  I’m not so sure I want to even tell the truth.  God – why do things have to be so fucking hard?  My life was easy – in the…love department anyway – until he came along.

“I – I freaked.”

He scoffs.

“Obviously.”

I ignore the comment and continue.  Well, try.

“You don’t understand.”

“What’s not to understand?”

“You can’t love me.  That’s not possible.”

He doesn’t say anything for a minute.  Maybe he’ll run away and I’ll be spared this little…lame talk that we’re having.  “Too bad.”  Fuck him.  I run a hand through my hair.  “You don’t love me.”  He shrugs, aggravated look replacing his glare.  “Shut up, Brian.  You can’t tell me how I feel.  Just because your fucked up family can’t seem to love you doesn’t mean that I can’t,” So maybe he does understand me though…he’d be the only one who does.

“So you can go back to your…’nobody loves me world’ and leave me alone.”

He turns around and starts to walk away. I can’t let him do that.  He can’t just…walk away from me.  Instead of going after him like I want to, I watch his retreating back as he heads towards the cabin.  When he’s no longer seeable I turn around and head in the opposite direction.  I have some fucking heavy thinking to do.

And it’s all Justin Taylor’s fault.

:::::::::::

J.T

Today: Saturday evening.  Last night of camp.

When I had gotten to the cabin I had had some heavy thinking to do.

He obviously has a problem with the L word.  And I can only guess it’s because of his family. I mean, it has to be because of his family.  They don’t exactly show great examples for the L word.  Their kind of love is, like fists, belts and other acts of punishment or torment on Brian. 

I look over at the clock.  Ten.

I missed praise and worship I guess.  Brian’s not back yet so he probably went.  I sit cross-legged on my bed with my chin held in the palm of my hand and wait for him to get back.  I don’t exactly know what I’ll say to him when he gets back and he sees that I’m still awake.  What can I say?  I’m hurt that he’s avoided me like a plague but I’m also hurt for him.  Maybe I should just let it all drop and accept his apology.  Yeah.  That’d be the best thing to do.

I wait for an hour and he finally comes back.  With Marcus in tow.

“You need to watch your language, Brian.”

“Sorr-rry.”

“Alright – goodnight, boys. Lights out in five minutes.”

Brian sulks into the cabin, frown on his face and looking extra grumpy.  He doesn’t bother saying hi. He doesn’t even meet my eye or so much as look at me.  Great – I’ve probably made him hate me.  He flips the light off and darkness consumes everything.  The moon is blocked my heavy clouds again so I can’t see anything.  Sighing heavily, I get out of my bed and pad over a few steps until I’m standing next to his bed.

I wonder if he knows I’m standing here.

I wonder if he senses me.

If he does he doesn’t acknowledge it.

“B-Brian?”

“What?”

He sounds extremely grumpy too.

Sighing, I sit down on the edge of his bed near his hip and hope that he doesn’t shove me onto the floor because he doesn’t want me on here. If he doesn’t want me on here he doesn’t say so and he doesn’t push me off either.  “I – I’ve been thinking – about what you said.”  He sighs and rolls over on his side so that his back is facing me.  Fucker.  He’s just going to ignore me probably so what’s the point of speaking?  I tread on, looking down at my hands.

“And…I’ve decided that no matter what you say or how fucked up you are towards me and no matter how much you avoid me…I still l-love you.  So, you might as well give up.  But…I understand perfectly why you can’t accept that.  You don’t trust,”

“That’s not true,”

“I’m talking.”

His silence takes over one again and I continue.

“You don’t trust me.  You think I’ll hurt you – like your family.  I won’t though.  Incase you haven’t noticed…you’re the one doing the hurting here.”

I don’t know what else to say so I move to get off the bed and retreat to mine and wonder if we’ll be friends again in the morning or if he’ll continue on avoiding me. He’s quickly turning over again and grabbing my hand in his own to keep me from leaving and this time I don’t tell him to let go of me because I actually want to listen to what he has to say in response.   I sigh and make sure to avoid all eye contact because…because and wait for him to say something. Anything.

“I – I know.”

“Ok.”

I wait for him to go on. Maybe he won’t go on. Maybe I know is all he has to say.  Whatever – that’s fine by me.  I’ve never been good at this kind of thing and, obviously, he isn’t either.  He worst then I am!

“You’re right – about me.”

“I know.”

“But…I’m willing to take risks.”

I smile slightly.

“I’m a risk?”

“Definitely.”

I feel him sit up and his hand wraps around the back of my neck and draws my head closer.  Soon my face is only centimeters away from his.  I smile slightly and nudge my nose against his briefly.  “Than…I’d really like you to take me.”  He smiles and his lips crash against mine with more force than I was planning on receiving.  I had no trouble keeping up – tongues sliding into each other’s mouths for the first time in, like, two days.  Sure, it hasn’t been that long but it’s been too long.  His arms wrap sturdily around me and pull me close, my body on top of his, legs entangling and cocks gathering friction against each other.

I pull away gasping for air and give him a smile, hands tangled in his hair.

“Did you mean what you said – about me fucking you…if that’s what it took?”

'This is how you can show your love to me.

Genesis 20:13

xxx

B.K

“Did you mean what you said – about me fucking you…if that’s what it took?”

Damndamndamn.  I should have never said that.  What had I been thinking?  I hadn’t been thinking – Fuckfuckfuck.  I can’t say no to him though.  My mouth won’t let myself.  My brain won’t let my fucking self reject him for some really fucking stupid reason.  My stupid brain is actually telling me I want him to do this.  I can’t want this.  I’m a top – I’ve always been a top.  No questions asked. I’ve always been a top who has never asked someone to top me.  He must noticed my expression – God, I hope I don’t look scared at the prospect of him topping me! – and he shakes his head.

“Never mind, I don’t need to do,”

I cut him off by kissing him because, fuck, I’m going to let him top me for some extremely retarded reason.  I want this or I never would’ve offered it to him in the first place.  I pull back, heart beating probably faster and harder than it ever has before, and cup his face with my hands.  His bodies practically on top of me now, noses almost touching, and he’s looking at me with this concerned little look of ‘are you sure’ and I kiss him once more.  Maybe to reassure him that he’s going to fuck me, dammit.

“Do you want to?”

He takes a minute to answer me.

“If you don’t,”

“I asked you if you wanted to.  Answer me.”

“Yes, but,”

“You’ll be careful?  Go slow?”

 He swallows and tries to pull away from me but I don’t let him.

“Yes, Brian, But I,”

“Justin, just…be quiet.”

His mouth clamps shut and he just stares at me, unsure look across his face.  Probably because of my hesitance.  Well, of course I’m going to be hesitant!  I don’t even know why I want this.  I’ve never wanted (needed- this feeling is more like need I think) anyone to fuck me.  I don’t know why I feel this fucking way and I’m confused as to why I don’t find myself hating the particular feeling. I slide a hand up into his hair and press out lips together again trying to reassure him that all of this is ok.  Fine with me – even though I’m fucking confused.

“I want you to, Sunshine.”

“Are-are you sure?”

“Yeah, I’m sure…”

He looks away for a moment, tongue coming out to dart across his swollen lips nervously.

“I-I don’t know…what to do, though.  I don’t want to hurt you; I don’t have any exper,”

I cut him off, shaking him lightly to get him to look back at me.

“Shh – you won’t hurt me, I promise.”

“How do you know?”

I wonder if we’re even talking about fucking anymore.

“Because I know.”

Plus – I’m usually the one doing the hurting here.

Justin leans in close again, lips brushing just slightly, and he pulls away, arms wrapping around my neck and his body draping over mine.  He meets my eyes and he tells me that he’ll do his best not to hurt me – and, just from the look in his eyes, I knew we’re not talking about him fucking me anymore.  We’re talking about “us”.  I don’t know how I let us become an “us” but, confused myself even more; I don’t find myself disliking the feeling of “us.”  I swallow and not, capture his lips in mine but he pulls away and slowly gets off of me, grabbing my arm and pulling me out of the bed.

I stand there in the darkness and watch him as he watches his fingers slowly undo the buttons down my shirt, eyes fixated on them with all concentration in the dark.  He gets to the last one and shoves my shirt off of my shoulders, eyes meeting mine for a few seconds before bowing his head again and going for the button on my jeans.  It might be a trick of the light – Then I realize there is no light so my theory is fucked – but I think his hands are shaking.  Actually shaking as he pulls down my jeans.  I step out of them and kick them away and he leaves me by myself for a few seconds to walk towards the door, make sure it’s locked, and place something heavy in front of it before anything continues.

When he’s back his eyes inspect me.

“You’re healing.”

I look down at my self.  At the bruises and scratches and realize that he’s right.  I look up, meet his eyes, and offer him a smile.  A real genuine smile.

“Thanks to you.”

He grins and stands on his tiptoes to reach my lips with his in a rough, passionate kiss until neither of us can breathe.  His mouth leaves mine and travels down my neck, across my chest, he takes the time to take each hard nipple into his mouth for the desired amount of time and I’m sure I moaned a couple million times.  He probably got an ass load of satisfaction in that.  His lips left them, cold air consuming them now instead of his hot mouth, and he lowered himself steadily to his knees, tongue dipping into my belly button on the way.  I think he has an infatuation with it.  A belly button fetish.  Hey, I can live with that. 

I reach down and burrow my hands into his hair, head falling back as he kisses my thighs, being extremely careful to not so much as brush against my erect cock or full balls.  When he stops kissing me, I look down to see his eyes looking up at me, hesitation in his voice when he speaks.

“Can I,”

“Yes, yeah, Sunshine.”

He grins at my eagerness and next I feel his warm, wet tongue brushing along the underside of my cock, brushing against my slit, and then pulling back.  I groan in frustration.  I want more.  I need more.  Now.  And he knows it too.  He blows warm air out of his mouth and onto my cock and I clench my hands tighter in my hands and try to draw his mouth to my dick.  It doesn’t work. He’s a stubborn ass sometimes.  His hands each grab my hips and hold me steady and he finally, FINALLY, takes the head of my cock into his mouth, inching forward and taking more of me, tongue pushing hard against my piss hole, a hand coming down to roll my balls around in his palm.

And I can’t believe he’s never given head before.

Fucking natural.

His hand, sadly, abandons my balls and latches onto my hip again and, oh fucking fuck, he swallows.  Are you even allowed to do that for your first time giving head? 

“Oh, fuck, Justin!”

His throat tightens and, if I’m lucky, I won’t come right now.

As if reading my thoughts he quickly releases my dick and lets his fall from his mouth.  He’s quickly back up on his feet, arms wrapping around my neck, and his mouth slamming against mine.  When he pulls back he shoots me an unsure look.

“H-how was…it?”

How can he even ask that?  Is he being serious?  His innocence is almost too much to handle.

“It was great.  Really fucking excellent.  Are you sure you’ve never sucked cock before?”

He grins, look of satisfaction on his face.

“Maybe in another life.”

“Do you even believe in that?”

He grins.

“No.”

“Thought so.”

I decide that he has way too many clothes on.  He has all his clothes on for fucks sake and I quickly lift his shirt up over his head and throw it on the floor next to my abandoned clothes.  Next his pants are off and we’re finally both naked instead of just me – not that I mind being naked.  I draw him against me, our skin flush against each other, and devour his mouth, tongues mating and breaths becoming familiar with each other for the millionth time tonight.  He pulls back, hands curling into my hair, and his lips dark and swollen.  He seems too beautiful to be allowed to exist.  Enough with thoughts like that though I doubt they’ll stop.

“My bed or your bed?”

“I don’t care.”

He nods and pushes me back down onto my bed.  I don’t think we’ve even fucked in my bed yet.  Only his and on the pew in church.  He sits between my legs with a small smile on his face.  “Are you sure,” I quickly interrupt him and tell him that I’m fucking sure and that I’m also fucking horny so get on with it.  He laughs, more like giggles, and positions his body over mine so he can brush our lips together.  Then he’s reaching over the side of the bed and grabbing my pants to retrieve the bottle of lube and a condom.  I think his hands are shaking again but I’m not going to point it out.

“C-can you put it on me?”

“Of course, Sunshine.”

I take the condom out of his hands and roll it onto his dick in a matter of seconds and then resume to resting on my back, watching as he pops open the bottle of lube, his face suddenly all nervousness.  Biting his bottom lip, he spreads my bent legs apart slightly and then warms the lube before making any contact with my ass.  Good boy.  He meets my eyes with that huge look of nervousness and I tell him to go on.  That we don’t have all night.  He smiles slightly and nods, Adam’s apple bobbing in his throat as he swallows hard.  He places a hand on one of my legs and a finger meets my hole and slides slowly inside.  He stops when I tense.

“Are you ok, Brian?”

I draw in a deep breath, eyes shut, and the two of us are silent as I tell my body to relax.  Eventually, it does and I nod my head and tell him to keep going.  He doesn’t say a word and his finger slides inside, through the rings of tight muscle, and I’m not sure whether it hurts or if it doesn’t at the moment.  I swallow.  “Another finger, Justin.”  He does as asked, another digit slipping inside, slowly and carefully. And patiently.  I stop him a couple of times and I don’t know how one can have so much patience.  Then I remember that this is Justin.  He’d probably wait for eternity for me to be ready for him.

“Another…”

A third finger slips through my hole, gaining access easier then the first two, and it joins the others and he stills.  I feel him kiss my knee since he can’t reach my mouth at the moment and he tells me to breathe since I’m breathing so fucking hard.  I don’t think my heart has ever beaten this hard before.  “Scissor your fingers, Justin.”  A moment later he does as I told him to do and I’m a moaning mess.  Holy fuck.  That felt good.  “Take ‘em out, Jus.”  His fingers slowly slide out of me and he’s positioning his body over mine.  His lips devour mind for a few seconds and I feel the blunt head of his cock meet my hole.

“Are you ready?”

I nod, grip his arms with my hands, and he slowly inches forward, head of his cock sliding inside and then stopping.  Fucking oww.  He looks down at me worriedly and I work up a smile for him.  I don’t like seeing him worried like that.  “Go, Justin.”  He bites his lip and, “Are you sure?”  I quickly nod and try not to hurt him by wrapping my legs too tightly around his slim waist as he inches forward again. 

J.T

Ohmygod. Ohmygodohymygod. 

Is this really happening?  Yes, yes it is.  I nearly come as his tight ass muscles squeeze tight around my cock.  So, this is what it feels like.  I meet his lips with mine and moan into his mouth to keep it quieter than it would have been if I had let it out in the open.  I’m sure no one would be able to hear us but I like to be careful.  Gasping for breath, I move forward again and don’t stop this time until I’m buried deep inside of him all the way.  Then I stop, both our bodies shaking.  He roughly grabs my lips with his and I don’t move until he peels his lips away from mine and tells me to go.  Slow.

I ease almost all the way out and ease forward again, moans sliding out of the brunet’s mouth as I do so.  I do it again, at the same slow sweet pace.  Again and again, angling my hips like he has in the past to hit against his prostate. It must have worked because he’s yells out my name and I quickly cover his mouth with mine to drown the sounds of ecstasy.  His hands grip tightly into my hair, slide down my back and grab hold of my ass and as I move out and in again he pushes hard on my ass and shoves me inside of him harder.  I take this as a sign to move faster and I do, the nervousness of hurting him filtering out of my mind and the two of us establishing a medium paced rhythm.

I grab his cock between our stomachs and begin pumping, matching the snapping of our hips as I dig myself deeper inside of him each time.  I squeeze, finger pressing hard against his piss hole, and angle my hips that way again and he’s squeezing around my cock harder than ever making me come inside the condom.  He’s not far behind and I collapse heavily on top of his come covered stomach and rest my head just under his chin as I pull out of him and throw the condom somewhere on the floor.  I don’t get up because, like each time he fucks me, I don’t want to.  Maybe, someday, I’ll actually be able to stay by his side through the night.  I lift my head and look down at his face, his eyes closed and his breathing slowing going back to normal.

“Are you ok?”

“I’m fabulous, Sunshine.”

“Did I,”

“No, you didn’t hurt me.”

“Brian?”

“Yeah?”

“If…if I tell you that I love you will you promise to not avoid me tomorrow?”

He’s silent for a moment, just looking at me with an unreadable expression.  Then he nods.

“I promise.”

“I know I love you.”

Instead of “I think I love you” like last time.  Because this time – I’m sure.

Today: Friday -- last day of camp.

****
The first thing I do when I wake up is look over at Brian's bed. Just to make sure that he's still there. I mean, I guess I kind of figured that he'd be incredibly freaked out about last night. Not only had he left himself vulnerable and totally exposed, he had let me tell him that I love him. And he had said he wouldn't avoid me if I did. I hope he keeps that promise. Except - my stomach sinks when I see that his bed is empty and freshly made. Groaning, I dig my face into my pillow and start screaming at myself, all sounds muffled by the fabric. I should have kept my mouth shut. God, I shouldn't have let him talk me into fucking him. I should have told him to just stick his dick in my ass so everything would be ok right now. I bang my fist once against the bed in an attempt to let out more exasperate anger. I am so stupid.

"Uhh - am I interrupting something?"

I suddenly stop my muffled-screaming tantrum and look up to meet the familiar raised eyebrow and amused smirk on Brian's face. Now I feel even more stupid than I had before. I blink, slowly pull myself into a sitting position and bundle myself up with the comforter. "You." Now he just looks confused. I don't blame him - I'm not being very specific I guess. "...Me." I raise an eyebrow at him as he sits down on the edge of my bed already dressed and ready for the day to begin. "Where were you?" He doesn't say anything more a moment. He's still looking at me with an odd expression. Great - he probably thinks I'm mentally deranged or something. "I...was in the bathroom." Yeah, I don't think I've ever felt so stupid in my life. "Oh. I thought,"

"You thought what?"

"That you were gone."

The odd look disappears and a knowing look takes its place and an awkward silence fills the space between us. Maybe I should have worded my statement differently. I reach over and place a hand on his shoulder, slide it up and around the back of his neck and gently caress his mouth with my own. When he pulls back, "You thought wrong." I smile and nod. Tell him that I'm sorry for thinking wrong. He kisses me again, long and slow, hand sliding underneath the comforter and his fingers sliding around my bare cock, dancing up my shaft and working their magic on my turgid member. Soon I'm gasping into his mouth, clutching onto his shoulders, teeth skimming along his throat and coming in the palm of his hand.

Then I’m in the shower but only because Brian made me. I guess it was a good thing too because as soon as I shut the door to the bathroom I hear Marcus enter our cabin for his routine wake-up call. Man, Brian’s really good at knowing when the moron’s coming. I take a quick shower, get changed, and hurry out of the bathroom. Brian’s packing his stuff when I come out.

“What’d Marcus say?”

“That we needed to pack. So we’re already ready when it’s time to go.”

So, I do the same. I drag my suitcase onto my bed and begin folding my clothes one by one. Slowly. For one, I don’t want to see Marcus any sooner than I have to. Secondly, I don’t want to leave the cabin where we have to go and face the rest of the world. Brian’s mouth descends on my neck while his arms wrap around me from behind and pull me tight against him. He’s obviously hard and ready to get the same treatment that he gave me this morning.

“Need some help packing, little boy?”

I turn; his arms still wrapped around me, so that I’m facing him and push him away, smile on my face. There’s no way that can happen. Not with Marcus coming and going all the time.

“I wish.”

The first thought that had crossed my mind when I had woken up that morning was to flee. Leave before Justin woke up but I couldn’t bring myself to do that. Especially since I promised him that I wouldn’t avoid him today. And I don’t break my promises. Never. So, instead I took a shower and pondered over last night, which, by the way, had been very confusing. In an extremely pleasurable great way. Then I thought over what I was going to say when I first saw him. I never usually had trouble talking to guys but…Justin was different.

Surprisingly, it hadn’t been too hard to talk to him.

But I had been hard all morning and we both know I can’t get satisfied. Not with Marcus prowling around – annoying asshole. So, after the packing had been done, not the kind of packing I would have liked to have done, we both go outside, to the dining hall, and sit and wait for all the other kids to get here. Once they do one of the other camp leaders goes into a long winded speech about how great camp had been – Yeah, it had been great at night – and how she hoped we would all come next year – I would have liked to have come this morning – and how the rest of the day we were all going to focus on praising God for this wonderful time.

I guess I did owe Him something for the great sex I had while here.

And by the rest of the day, she had meant the rest of the day. We had gone to the chapel. Sang. Listened to a million people speak. Give out testimonies. I almost died. Then, after that, we were instructed to get our bags. While we were in our cabin I had swapped some spit with Justin. Some much needed spit swapping. Then we were back on the bus, Justin and I were even in the same seats.

“We’re finally getting out of here.”

“Yay.”

He rolls his eyes over at me.

“Shut up.”

“You shut up.”

“You.”

In all honesty I’m not sure how happy I am about leaving. Sure, I didn’t want to go and I certainly don’t want to stay there. But, when one’s just leaving to go back to Hell the decisions kind of hard. My dad or church. Hard decision. Justin looks over at me, teeth biting his bottom lip, which usually means he’s nervous about something.

“You know, I meant what I said.”

“You’ve said a lot in the last five days.”

He rolls his eyes but smiles slightly and plows on,

“No, I mean when I said you could hide in my closet.”

I grin and shrug. “Like I said – I’d love to but you and I both know that that’s ridiculous.” He shrugs and crosses his arms over his chest. We both know I’m right. Like I can hide in his closet for an entire year until I’m eighteen. Yeah right. That’s not possible. “So?” I grin and wish we weren’t in a bus full of people because if we weren’t I’d be kissing the fucking pout that undoes me every time he breaks it out. I settle with a small smile instead. I know, not nearly as awesome.

“So…thanks for the offer, Sunshine but…I only have a year to go.”

He frowns over at me.

“Do you know how much can happen in a year?”

His voice is slightly louder than before. A few people look over at us and then look away again once realizing that nothing that they’d be interested in was happening. I sigh, “Calm down. It’s ok.” He looks over at me with that said expression he always has on his face whenever we even mention something that has to do with my home life. “I just don’t want you to get hurt – -worst.”
 

When we arrive back at the church we wait until everyone is off the bus until we get off. We didn’t want to have to push our way out with everyone else. When we finally do make it out I grab his wrist and pull him away from the other people. My mom isn’t here yet to pick me up and, by the looks of it, his ride isn’t here yet either. I wish it would never come. Most of me hopes that something will happen to keep his parents from coming. That they’ll forget he’s coming home today. That a wreck will happen. That…something will happen so he can have an excuse to come home with me.

“Here’s how to get to my house from the church,”

I hand him a scrap of paper, which he takes and slides into his pocket.

“Just in case you…need to come over.”

He smiles at me and I’m sure he wanted to kiss me. I can tell by the look on his face and I’m sure my own look mirrors his own but we obviously can’t. I bite at my bottom lip because, as the seconds tick by, I get more nervous and it’s because I know he might not be safe tonight. Because he won’t be with me. Somewhere where he can’t get hurt. He offers me that stupid reassuring smile even though we both know that it doesn’t reassure me a bit and he places a hand on my shoulder, squeezing lightly.

“I’ll probably be coming over a lot then.”

Ok, I’ll admit – this makes me feel slightly better. I smile softly up at him and nod my head eagerly. “That’d be nice.” He says ‘tell me about it’ and takes his hand off my shoulder. Everyone knows that just touching shoulders can lead to something much hotter. Between us anyway. Though, I can’t say I’m happy at the loss of contact. I take a step back so distance ourselves and we stand there in comfortable silence, me still nervous as hell, and him just leaning against the wall of the church and waiting for one of us to have to leave.

It ends up being me first. I smile at my mom as she pulls up, large smile on her face. I pick up my bags and offer Brian one last smile before I leave. Dammit – I don’t want to leave. I can’t just…leave him here. For his fucking parents to pick up and hurt him.

“…Bye.”

“Don’t worry – I’ll see you soon. Very soon.”

I only nod and turn my back on him to head to my moms car.

“That’s a promise, Taylor.”

And I know he doesn’t break promises.