Title:  Variations on a Theme - Chapter 9
Author:  Sherrie
Go back to Chapter 8

Ian tried to make some sense out of all that he had heard over the past few minutes. Part of him wanted to believe what Justin had said in the worst way, and part of him wanted to hold on to his longstanding hatred of Brian. As he walked around the campus, trying to clear his head in preparation for his concert that evening, Ian thought about Brian being his brother. He thought of the child that he had considered his brother, who had died in infancy. Ian had always wanted a brother. Slowly, the good memories about Brian and the fun they had together in his early childhood came filtering back. If what Justin had said was true, Brian had truly sacrificed to save him. If it were true, Ian had taken revenge on the wrong person, and broken Brian’s heart. He knew he had to know; he had to find out for sure. Somehow, he would talk to Brian.

Justin and Brian had been holding each other for a few minutes when Professor Compton returned to her office. “Justin, Mr. Kinney,” she said, somewhat flushed when she found them embracing. “I’m sorry to interrupt you, but I wanted to take your piece to show to the arts committee. It is a bit late, but I had to at least try to get this piece into the ‘Best Of’ show coming up at the end of next week. It really is exceptionally good, and there will be several major art houses and critics there to see it. Do you mind if I take it?”

“No…of course not,” Justin replied, hardly containing the huge smile on his face. “Do you think it has a chance of making it into that show?” Justin had had one other piece in the show the year before, and it wasn’t nearly as good as this one. If there was an art critic there who thought it was as good as the professor seemed to, it could be a big boost to his career.

“I don’t think they could afford to turn it down, Justin,” she replied. “Now don’t let me interrupt you two,” she added as she placed the painting in her large portfolio.

“That’s okay, Professor,” Brian added, pulling Justin along as they gathered their coats. “We have a lot of pressing business to attend to, don’t we Justin?” Brian’s smirk went straight to Justin’s groin.

“Yes, well, we had better be going,” Justin added, returning Brian’s grin. “Thanks so much for the use of your office.”

Brian and Justin walked hand in hand around the campus, with a satisfied silence between them. Brian was the first to speak. “Justin, will your piece make it in?”

“I think so…I hope so,” Justin answered tentatively. “Did you ‘get’ it?”

“I got it, Sunshine,” Brian answered, stopping to pull Justin down on a nearby bench and into his arms. “And I got that you wanted to make Ian understand about me, too. I don’t think it worked, but I appreciate the try.”

Justin was trying not to appear stunned that Brian was talking to him as if their non-verbal communication had survived the separation completely intact. Perhaps it had.

“Will you talk to him?” Justin urged gently. “He needs some time to process everything he heard today, but he’ll have questions.”

“But will I have answers?” Brian mused aloud. Turning to look at Justin directly, he continued. “Despite what you think, Justin, we won’t all of a sudden become one big happy family.”

“But maybe there can be some peace for both of you,” Justin said. “I know you hate violin music, but what does cello do for you?”

Brian looked at Justin incredulously. “You can’t be serious,” he groaned.

“He won’t know you’re there,” Justin continued quickly. “Unless you want him to see you; then you can talk to him after the concert.”

“I think that the ball is in his court now,” Brian retorted. “Can we go or do you need to get to class?”

“If you’re staying, I’m going to skip class. We need to talk.” Justin couldn’t help but notice the grimace on Brian’s face when he spoke those last words.

“What do we have to talk about, Justin?” Brian asked quietly. “You’re here. I’m in the Pitts. You have to finish school. I have accounts that are waiting for me. You are about to be discovered by all the top art critics. My days of discovery are long gone.”

Justin put his hand over Brian’s lips, quieting him temporarily. “I love you. You love me. I need you. You need me. I can have my art anywhere. You are in the Pitts now, but you could have an office in New York if you wanted. What we have to talk about is how we are going to work this out so that we can be together.”

“Justin, neither of us should have to sacrifice what’s best for our careers to be together,” Brian interrupted.

“Brian,” Justin stopped Brian’s words with a tone of voice that he had seldom heard. “Did it ever occur to you that seeing you in Ian was the catalyst for completing my last piece? That seeing the parts of Ian that reminded me so much of you inspired my emotions so that I could find what that piece needed; the only times I reach flow state are when you are in my blood, my mind, my heart.”

“Are you saying that I’m your muse, Sunshine?” Brian asked with a gleam in his eyes.

“No, Brian,” Justin answered gently as he moved closer and gleaned warmth from Brian’s arms. “I wouldn’t ever lay that responsibility on you.” Justin couldn’t help but cringe at the memory of the last time he heard those words. He thought he saw a hint of disappointment in Brian’s eyes. “But my muse won’t come around to visit me if you aren’t here.” Justin pulled their entwined fingers up to his chest and laid them over his heart. “Try though I might to seduce him, he is only happy to be here when your essence is here, too. Unfaithful bastard,” Justin teased, as he pressed his lips against the beautiful coral ones so close to him.

“Ah, a voyeur,” Brian taunted after they reluctantly ended their kiss before it escalated beyond even the tolerance of the liberal campus. “So what are we going to do about that damned kinky muse of yours?”

Justin chuckled, ecstatic that Brian could joke so freely with him like they used to so long ago. “Let’s give him something to talk about,” Justin teased, pulling Brian up and heading back toward the apartment.

There was an urgency and melancholy about their sex that afternoon. They knew that no matter what they ultimately decided, separation was in their immediate future. After they had made love four times on several different surfaces in Justin’s little apartment, the last round on the bed reminded Justin so much of the last time they made love in Pittsburgh, that the tears that he had then returned.

“I didn’t hurt you, did I?” Brian asked tenderly, his heart breaking a little as the tears were evident on Justin’s cheeks.

“No, Brian,” Justin answered, wiping the tears as best he could. “It’s just that my heart knows that it’s about to be broken again, and it remembers the last time. I don’t want it to be like the last time…”

“Did I break your heart, Justin?” Brian asked sadly. “I thought you broke mine. I thought that you were the one that wanted me to me monogamous, but then when I tried to be, told me that you wanted the old Brian back. I thought you were the one that wanted marriage and stables, and when I got them for you, decided that I didn’t really want to share them with you. I thought that you were the one who wanted my ring on your finger, only to tell me that we didn’t need rings to prove our love; who was surprised when I kept them. No, Justin; your heart wasn’t the only casualty here.”

Justin was surprised at the intensity of Brian’s reaction. “I’m sorry Brian.” Justin took both of his hands to cradle Brian’s face, and look directly into his eyes. “I’m so very sorry. I know how much I hurt you. I know how confusing it must have been to be in love with an immature brat who didn’t know fuck all about what he wanted or needed, despite putting on an air of great maturity. I know that you let me go because you wanted me to be the best I could be. You loved me enough to let me grow up and make my own life apart from you. I get it Brian. You used to have two people who didn’t understand the magnitude of the sacrifice that you made for them. Now you have only one, and I think that by now, he’s starting to get the picture too. But I’ve done what you wanted me to do. I’ve grown up. I’ll have my degree soon. I may even have an opportunity to make a success in the art world. But I don’t want you for one minute to think that I could have done any of this without you. You saved me in every way that is possible to be saved. You saved Ian. Now you need to save yourself. We need to save each other.”

Tears began to drop from the corners of Brian’s eyes. His head dropped onto Justin’s chest, and he let himself sob. Justin held him, and stroked him until he dropped into an exhausted sleep.

When Brian awoke, he found himself curled up on Justin’s chest, with his lover’s arms still wrapped around him. He realized that he had been awakened by the telephone. He reached out to the nightstand and grabbed it before it awoke his sleeping partner.

“Hello,” he grumbled softly.

“Good, you’re still here,” Ian said. “If you’re still here after my concert tonight, I want to talk to you.”

“I’m fuckin’ exhausted, Ian,” Brian sighed into the phone. “Can’t this wait until tomorrow?”

“All right, but I’m leaving tomorrow afternoon for England,” Ian answered. “I need to know some things before I go. Will you do that for me? Please?”

“Come to Justin’s place at 10:00 in the morning,” Brian said reluctantly. “He will be here too. Anything you have to say to me or ask me you can ask in front of him.”

“He really seems to love you, Brian,” Ian added softly. “You’re a very lucky man.”

“I know,” Brian replied as he softly replaced the receiver in the cradle.

“What do you know?” Justin asked sleepily, stretching under Brian’s body as best he could.

“That Ian is coming over to talk at 10:00 tomorrow morning, and that I am a very lucky man.” Brian covered Justin’s body with his own, stoking the fires between them once again.

“Luck had absolutely nothing to do with it,” Justin teased, as he ground his cock into the fully engorged one above him.

“Don’t get too playful young man,” Brian warned teasingly. “We have a concert to attend.”

“Really,” Justin asked. “You really want to go?”

“I had to suffer through years of hearing that kid practice,” Brian groaned. “I should at least find out if he ever made good on all those fucking cello lessons.”

“Then let’s take this into the shower,” Justin teased back, pulling on Brian’s erection as he pushed him up off the bed.

“My dick up your ass is the only way we fit in that tiny-assed thing,” Brian retorted, slapping said ass playfully as they made their way to the shower.

“Ever the practical and romantic Brian Kinney. We fit just as well with my dick up yours.” Justin laughed as he started the water to run for the requisite 5 minutes it took to get the small amount of hot water to the fourth floor.

“Dream on, young man,” Brian joked playfully, as they wrapped themselves around each other and waited for the temperature of the water to catch up with their own heat.

Go on to Chapter 10