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Title: “Walls”
Author: uberaeryn
Pairing: Jack/Kate/Sawyer
Fandom: Lost
Warnings: Language, Sexual Situations
No Spoilers
Rating: PWP Plus
Notes: I’ve been avoiding writing Kate simply because I feel like I don’t really
know her well enough to do so. Well, here I go, writing her anyway and from
her POV. Don’t call me crazy, I already realize that I am. ;P
Summary: “Their intent might not be to hurt her physically but they were
determined to hurt her, somehow. Her playing her assigned role had not been
enough for either one of them and never would be.”
Kate dug the heels of both hands into her eyes and sighed as the shouting
going on around her and over her, and it felt, through her, escalated.
This always happened, always, she thought tiredly.
Sawyer would mouth off, usually about something ridiculously unimportant and
Jack would respond with a nasty comeback despite the fact that knew he better,
and the voices and the remarks and the threats would ramp up to the point that
they were ready yet again to attack one another, to move from the violence of
language to the violence of body against body.
And then Kate dutifully played the unaccustomed and uncomfortable role of
peacemaker, stepped between them and talked quietly until the hostility reduced
to a slow but ongoing simmer and she was able to convince one or both of them to
go to their separate corners.
Then she herself would escape, alone to a private spot in the jungle that seemed
oddly peaceful considering the frightening, hair-raising chill the rest of the
island gave her and then she would collapse.
She was tired, tired and scared and angry and fucking sick of it all - the
island, the fight to survive, the demons and ghosts – real or imagined or
remembered - the constant threat of death and the threat of what might happen if
they were rescued, if she were returned to the States, so much still to answer
for . . .
And Jack and Sawyer. They exhausted her the most, frightened her the most - the
things they said, the way they acted, the way they looked at one another and the
way each man looked at her and she would think, resentfully, that she hadn’t
signed up for this.
She’d thought to help Jack and she’d thought to reach Sawyer. Admittedly, in the
beginning she’d had her own reasons for allying herself with each of them but
things had changed, deepened – there was a shadow of something much more
complicated looming over her now when she spent time with either one of them.
But then suddenly she was Jack’s de facto babysitter and at the same time
Sawyer’s jailer, here in this lush and beautiful threatening prison without
walls, a prison in paradise. She’d become caretaker to both of them and she
hated it, especially since she was now at the point she could barely take care
of herself. It was a frightening thought, that she might be losing it, that
ability to watch her own back and cover her own ass, stand alone and still
survive in the face of whatever came down.
And it was Jack’s fault, she thought. And Sawyer’s as well. They’d forced her
into this position; she was the wall between them, keeping them from killing
each other. And then she would have to switch tactics, sometimes in the space of
a few minutes, and had to be the point of connection between them when
differences had to be put aside in order to keep them all alive.
She didn’t belong to either one of them but she was constantly reminded that
both men were under the impression that she did. Or would at some point, belong
to them. The absurdity of that thought would make her smile bitterly.
She didn’t even belong to herself anymore. She couldn’t remember a time when she
actually had.
So, not knowing what else to do, she played her role, she knew it by rote at
this point, and then she would escape. She’d close her eyes and try to forget
about it all. She would try to sleep and sometimes she would succeed.
And she never wept, despite the fact that she sometimes wanted to, the burn of
viciously repressed tears making her throat tight and her chest ache. She
wouldn’t cry over this; not over them.
Weeping did no good; she’d found that out that a long time ago.
As the shouting continued she raised her eyes and stared out into the dark of
the jungle in the direction of her private sanctuary. The fire between Sawyer
and Jack was threatening to get out of control if she didn’t do something and
she wondered if that’s what they were waiting for, for her to play her role, to
rebuild the wall.
She saw Sawyer move out of the corner of her eye, fist raised and even though
she was several feet away she felt Jack shift position, moving lightly on his
feet. Then they were both in motion, snarling, going for one another’s throats
despite the fact that she still stood between them, determined to do as much
damage as possible to each other.
And to her, too, she realized suddenly. Their intent might not be to hurt her
physically but they were determined to hurt her, somehow. Her playing her
assigned role had not been enough for either one of them and never would be.
Something inside her cracked and then crumbled softly into dust.
Without thinking she darted quickly out of the way and started striding off into
the jungle. She heard the sound of scuffling behind her, the sickening thud of
fists against flesh. She had no idea who’d hit who first and, now, she didn’t
really care. She simply smiled grimly to herself and kept walking into the cool,
humid dark, relaxing a little bit more with each step.
Let the bastards kill each other.
The wall was down. Gone.
***
She felt them coming before she heard them, and she sat up with a weary sigh and
waited. She looked up and watched hazy, thin clouds skim across the astonishing
brightness of the full moon and knew that the three of them were on the verge of
something. Something was either going to end or begin, or both, right here and
right now, and she found herself shaking slightly in anticipation.
Then they were there, again placing her in the middle, Jack standing a few feet
away on her right, staring at her with eyes that seemed black in a face shadowed
starkly by the harsh light of the moon. Sawyer was on her left, a bit closer,
arms crossed as he studied her carefully.
She stood slowly, aware that as she did so that the tension that was always
there heightened considerably. She looked from one man to the other and then
again up at the sky.
Freedom there, she thought longingly, with the stars and the moon and the
clouds, all as cold and sharp as shattered ice. She closed her eyes and imagined
it, being there, all silver and black and the wind whipping her hair across her
face.
But she was here. Earthbound and stranded, with these two men.
She opened her eyes and again looked from one to the other, wondering why it was
that she could feel the same but so differently for each of them. Because, she
thought, that perhaps they were, essentially, the same man. One coin and
two very different sides, but unavoidably drawn to one another and both of them
helpless and confused in the face of such an odd attraction. Not necessarily
sexual, she thought, although she was sure that it could be, if the walls both
had built around themselves so carefully ever came down.
Again she looked up at the sky and breathed deeply of the night air. Then she
closed her eyes and impulsively started to strip slowly, hearing Jack inhale
sharply and Sawyer rumble something unintelligible deep in his throat.
She smiled suddenly, eyes still closed, as she realized how powerful she
actually was, how powerful she’d been all along. Then she was nude, damp air
brushing lightly against her skin, a combined caress of sea and sky over her
breasts and between her thighs, and she shuddered, the faint scent of herself
mixing headily with the fragrance of the night.
She waited, her eyes still closed, listening to the harshness of Jack’s breath,
to Sawyer’s incoherent and muffled words.
Still she waited, face upturned to the night sky.
Then both men moved as one.
***
And yet still they struggled, fighting against one another as they battled in
confusion and desperation and desire over how to touch her and where, and as she
was buffeted between them, her body raging now at the touch of hands and lips
and tongue over every inch of her flesh, she felt that unspoken desire both felt
for her and for each other and she groaned in need and frustration, one hand
wrapping around the back of Jack’s neck and the other fisting roughly into
Sawyer’s hair and then suddenly something fell into place, clicked, and their
movements became smooth and confident and effortlessly coordinated, and the
three of them fell as one to the ground.
At some point every piece of clothing between the three of them had fallen away
and she found herself seated between Jack’s thighs, his cock hard and slick
against her ass as he hauled her legs over his knees and then thrust his hands
between her legs, spreading her wide, a low growl coming from deep in his chest
and vibrating against her back as he watched Sawyer kneel between her thighs,
taking her with his mouth, tongue thrusting inside her, beard rasping against
her thighs and she screamed, arching up against him as his tongue slid up along
the slickness of her to her clit, his tongue hot and hard and wet and quickly
finding the spot that made her grind helplessly against his face, whimpering,
needing more of it and harder, the whole of her body humming, so close, flashes
of white behind her eyes as he stoked the fire gathering rapidly low in her
belly.
Sawyer looked up at her, eyes heavy-lidded and full of some emotion she couldn’t
identify and then she watched in aroused wonder as he looked over her shoulder
at Jack, whose breath was hot and damp and heavy in her ear, and then one of
Jack’s hands left the sensitive skin between her thighs and slid against
Sawyer’s cheek and into Sawyer’s hair, and Sawyer’s eyes closed and he sighed
heavily, the touch of his breath against her clit making her groan and reach
back to slide her hands around Jack’s neck as she again moved against Sawyer,
begging him with her hips for release.
Sawyer groaned raggedly, his tongue again working expertly at her clit as Jack’s
hands moved upward, kneading her breasts, his fingers tugging lightly at her
nipples as his mouth roamed the length of her neck, tongue sliding slickly
against her ear and his cock thrusting slightly against her ass and God
it was too much but never enough and her hips bucked upward, and she gasped as
she came hard, the feeling of it shooting through her entire body, pleasure such
as she’d never felt before, hot and red and surging in her blood and paralyzing
her for a moment as the pounding thrill shot through her and it seemed, for the
briefest of seconds, like she was flying, with the moon and stars and
clouds and the wind.
Then she slumped back against Jack, eyes half-closed and she watched and
shivered as Sawyer slowly licked his way up her body and finally to her mouth,
kissing her deeply and for a long time, leaving her breathless when he tore his
mouth away and she opened her eyes to see that once more Jack had his hand in
Sawyer’s hair and was tugging him closer, up and over her shoulder, and then
they were kissing without hesitation, mouths wide and demanding and tongues
tangling, gruff groans and muted demands for more coming from both of them and
as she watched the fire rose inside her again, she’d never seen anything more
beautiful or more erotic or more masculine, the sight of them and the sound of
them near her ear maddening.
Then Jack was rolling all three of them on to their sides, muttering something
she couldn’t really hear but understood anyway and she nodded, slinging one leg
high on Sawyer’s hip and reaching back to grab Jack’s thigh and pull him tight
as he prepared her from behind and she thought she was ready, she was, in fact,
demanding it but when both of them thrust into her at the same time she screamed
again, in pain and in pleasure and in need and both of them stopped instantly,
murmured words of concern falling heatedly across her shoulder and against her
skin and she gave a quick shake of her head and then started moving her hips,
causing Jack to groan loudly against the back of her neck while Sawyer bit down
hard on her bottom lip and she tasted blood but didn’t care, it seemed right.
And then all three of them were moving, hard, short strokes from both Jack and
Sawyer and she let them inside her as deeply as she could with the thrust and
cant and rock of her hips and again she soared, faintly aware that she was
kissing Sawyer and Jack in turn and that the two of them were kissing each other
as well, each touch of their mouths more demanding the closer each of them came,
and then again Jack slid a hand between her thighs and there was another
blinding flash of light as she came again, and she slid her arms around Sawyer’s
neck and he grabbed her by the knee to pull her leg up higher along his waist,
still moving forcefully inside her as Jack moved in time from behind and she was
dimly aware as their voices and their heartbeats became deafening that they not
only were making love to her but also to each other, through her and with her,
that something had ended and something had begun tonight, and she held on as
hard as she could to both of them as first one and then immediately the other
came inside her, curses and groans and endearments surrounding the three of them
as the world fell away.
***
Jack left first, withdrawing from her carefully and then leaving without a word.
She kept her eyes closed as she felt Sawyer staring at her, and when his hand
came up to skim lightly across her face she touched it gently and then let go,
and soon he was gone as well.
This was the way she wanted it, she thought as she felt sleep heavier than any
she’d experienced since becoming stranded start to overtake her. To be alone,
unneeded, a little peace for just a while.
She thought of Sawyer. She thought of Jack. She thought of them alone, of them
together, and of them with her.
God knew it wasn’t going to be easy, she thought sleepily. But tonight something
had ended and something new had begun.
The walls were down, she thought.
And that was a place to start.
***
End
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